Seto, How Are Babies Made?
by Kuroi Kyuuketsuki
Summary: Poor Seto. He learns the burdens of brotherhood!
1. Chapter One Playing Cards

**Jazzy-** *smirking* I have a plan! An ingenious PLAN!!!

**Tamara-** -_- Mind telling us WHAT this plan is?

**Jazzy-** SETO TORTURE!!!!!! ^_^

**Tamara-** -_-;;

**Kuroi-** Why not Pharaoh Stupid torture?

**Shimara-** That's NEXT fic!

**Tamara- **Why does my daughter know before me?

**Jazzy- **She's closer to my age!

**Kuroi- **SO?!?!?!

**Jazzy- **Heheheh!Anyway…..TO THE DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!

Jazzy in no way owns Yu-Gi-Oh, Seto Kaiba, Mokuba Kaiba, Noa Kaiba, Gozaburo Kaiba, any other Yu-Gi-Oh characters, or the dumb-ass pharaoh.

_She DOES own Kuroi, her hikari Tamara, her hikari's daughter Shimara, a bed with nasty pink sheets, a Gameboy Advance SP, Golden Sun 1 and 2, and the Shonen Jump trial CD of the new Yu-Gi-Oh game, due to hit stores this fall. We are not liable for any brain damage, homicidal tendencies, spastic twitching, or running away screaming like you just had to listen to Pegasus ten hours straight. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._

Seto, Where Do Babies Come From?

   "Seto, plaaaay with meeee..." Damn, Mokuba, I'm busy, BUSY!

 "Sure, Mokuba, just a moment." Damn brat. Now, have to finish typing up this report on how bishonen affect fan-girls...they picked me because I have a group of rabid fan-girls at my door at the moment. I remember going into my closet to change and seeing a girl hooking up spy cameras...Scary monsters…..

"Se_to…_" LEVE ME ALONE, DAMMIT!!!!

Calm down, Seto, calm down. Remember anger management, we don't want the straight jacket again…..Must not kill bratty brother…..Must not kill brother….

."**NIISAN!!!!!**" MUST NOT KILL BROTHER!!!!!!!!

Splutter 

Spark 

Shit. The power went out.

"Niisan, you have to play with me now!"

…..

…..

I hate life.

Three hours later 

O_O He's _twelve_. Isn't he _over_ playing "House"? Well, I guess he never played it with Gozaburo-baka as our father…..he's rotting in Hell now, though. Heh, heh, heh. Tall windows are very good for your mental health. You can push evil, control-freak, anal-retentive stepfathers out of them…..Heh, heh, heh…..[Memo to self- get more anger management]

"Niisan?"

Oh, shit, what now? "What, Mokuba?"

"Where do babies come from?"

…..

…..

You're kidding me.

"Niisan?" He was giving me the puppy-eye look. Oh, damn, he MEANT it!

"Mokuba, haven't you had sex ed. in class?" I ask, trying to stay calm.

"No, not yet!"

O_O Oh…..dear…..

"Umm…..okay, so….." Damn, what was that expression? Oh, yeah, the _birds and the bees._ Birds and bees…..they can't mate, if they did……very, very small birds with an affinity for honey…..

"Umm…..you know you're…..different then girls…..for example, you're different then Rebecca."

Mokuba shot up. "Rebecca's MINE!" He sat down calmly.

O.O Possessive…..

Crackle "Mr. Kaiba, a Mr. Moutou is here." 

Sigh. "Let him in."

Yugi bounced in. "Konnichiwa, Seto, Mokuba!"

Get away from me, midget. "Hello, Yugi."

"Hiya, Yugi, Seto was just explaining to me how babies are made!"

"Oh, you know?" he asked, turning to me. "Can you tell me, too?"

O.O

Kami-sama, what did I do? I'm not a pharaoh with a hero complex, a friendship-preaching nymphomaniac, or a sadistic tomb-robber that has a rubber duck named Mr. Quack Quack. [O.O Oh, dear. Did we know any of these things? Besides the nymphomaniac.  Heh, heh, heh. ^.~]

What should I say, what to say…..I got it!

_*light bulb flickers on*_

_Crackle_

_Spark_

_Poof_

_*light goes off*_

-.- Faulty lighting in my mansion will not be tolerated! But I STILL have an idea!

"Butler, give me a deck."

He obligingly handed a playing card stack over. At least he listens, unlike SOME people…

"Okay, so THIS-" I hold it up. "Is the Queen of Hearts, which means it's a girl."

They nodded, wide-eyed. Oh, dear. The midget looks like a twelve-year-old. Dear Kami-sama…..his CLASSMATE! In TENTH GRADE! And he **didn't know about this!**

"Um, er…..okay, and this-" Damn, where are my superb CEO skills? "Is the King of…..Hearts, yeah." The boys blinked.

_Inside the brain of Mokuba-_ What the hell is Niisan doing?

_Yugi- _*blink* O-…..kaaaay…..

Great, now they probably think I'm an idiot…..[they didn't know that sooner? ^.~]

"So, anyway, umm…..the Queen and King date and then they get married." I bend the kingy…..guy…..card…..dude…..thing over. 

"Queen of Hearts, will you marry me?" "Oh, yes, King of Hearts!" I sad in a high voice.

-.- Oh, shit, now I'm doing voices…..

"So then they get married, and then-" Mokuba-kun raised his hand.

"Yes, Mokuba?"   
  


"How was the wedding?"

-.- "I…..don't know…..but, anyway, then they have sex." There, something they HAVE to know. Mokuba with his friends and Yugi…..being a 10th grader…..

*hand raise* "Yes, Yugi?" 

"What's sex?"

O.O

…..

Shit.

Kuroi- *laughing head off* Poor Kaiba-kun! Ha, ha!

Jazzy- Review, pweasy! You'll make me happy! ^.^

Tamara- MAKE HER HAPPY, PLEASE!!!!!!


	2. Visitors

Thanks, ya guys, I didn't expect to get so many reviews! Oh, and anyone know how to _delete_ reviews? Tell me if you do!

Kuroi- -_- You have NO brains, do you? Tamara- KUROI! Kuroi- Whaaaaaa? 

Anyway, sorry for not updating soon! I've been having a slightly traumatic period of time lately, but I can update a little more often!

To the reviewers!

**manga_nut: **I have nothing against 'Kura! Nothing!

**He's my preeeeeciousssssss.**

-all- O_O

**-strokes Bakura picture**

O_O

**Eric Awasaki: **^_^ Thanks! That's why I don't let my e-mail to the public. XD

**ajluckybob: **^_^ Poor Mokie. But poooooooor Seto-kun! And, yes, he does, I just messed up.

**Keaton's Mask: ** Seto and sarcasm are SYNONYMS! –runs around yelling synonym-

**-_-;;;;;**

**Icchan go BOOM: **^_^ I love it, too!

**White Phoenix: **I am, I am!

**Kawaii Chibi Neko: **I know they're not worth my time. And yes, I did get the idea from someone else, but I've twisted it to suit me. Oh, and FINISH CHIBI DARK! 

**ChocoMittens: **Thanks!

**Senshichan: **Aww, I'm flattered! –blush-

**Chibi-Me-Z: **Tee hee hee….:)

**Death T-2:** Thankses! ^_^

**Brunette at Door: **Oh, s'okay, I get those a lot. And Yugi's grandfather is odd, you never know with him.

**Spanish Ninja Sneasel: **^_^ Thanks!

**dragonlady1220 (AKA Liz16****)**: O_O I think I should be flattered….

Joey Wheeler's S/O: NO LAWSUITS, PLEASE! O_O 

**Revenge Seeker:** ^___________^ Thanks!

Oh, and know what I do when I get flames? UPDATE MORE! ^_^ Thank Daisy-chan*Mistress of Evil for that! ^_^

Seto, Where Do Babies Come From?

O_O He did NOT ask me that. No. NO!

"Umm….didn't your grandfather tell you?" 

He shook his head. "No."

O_O Answer, answer, answer…..

"Umm….." I smoosh the cards together. "That happens."

They look at me blankly. 

"Why?"

o_o No, Mokuba….

"Umm……they t-take off their clothes, then do…..that……"

They stared at me. …… STOP STARING!!!! [O______O]

Long silence.

…………………………….

…………………………….

…………………………

"Ewwwwwwwww."

-_-;;;;;

"Yes, eww. Now, Yugi, you go home. I have WORK to do."

Crackle "Mr. Kaiba, a visitor."

Crap, who now…."Let them in."

No…no…..no! SOLICITOR!!! DIIIIIEEEEEE! –shoots with machine gun-

Mokuba and Yugi- O_O

Much better. Now…..

Crackle "Another visitor, Mr. Kaiba, sir."

If it a solicitor…….OH, NO, NOT THEM!! 

I'm EVIL! I'm making you WAIT there! ^_^

** Dumbass.**

-sob-

**-_-;;;**


End file.
